


Snake Plissken’s Wild UN-Sexy Adventure!

by LovelyValkyrie



Category: Beauty and the Beast (TV 1987), Escape from New York (Movies), Hellboy (Movies), Jurassic Park (Movies), V for Vendetta (2005)
Genre: Furry, Multi, Orgy, Other, Pre-Jurassic World, Velociraptors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 06:20:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10457364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyValkyrie/pseuds/LovelyValkyrie
Summary: Snake has a very wild adventure. Warning: Plenty of multiverse/multi-character naughtiness coming up!





	

Snake Plissken felt so humiliated being sexually assaulted by a dinosaur. He wished the fucking velociraptor would just eat him, not hump him because he had sprayed himself with raptor pheromones. “This alpha male Steve and his pack hump everything and everyone, even if you don’t spray yourself with pheromones. They are like bonobo chimpanzees, they will screw even frogs if given the chance!” some paleontologist (What was that dude’s name? Grant? Greg? Dan?) told Snake as he figured out how to steal those radiation packets that gave Jurassic Park its electricity- without being eaten OR raped by dinosaurs. He wished that Hauk would have sent some other sorry motherfucker into Isla Nubar to get those precious radiation packets as he didn’t know how to explain his wild UN-sexy adventure!

His whole body rocked violently with the hard rhythm of the raptor’s pelvic thrusts, and his fucked up left eye hurt from the increase of his blood pressure from a mix of pain, fear, and revulsion. To be sexually assaulted by a dinosaur (or any living creature) was a wound to his honor, and all he hoped for was to be eaten afterward to save him the humiliation of having to confront Hauk after he came back from Isla Nubar with those radiation packets. Hauk would have a fun time telling his USPF comrades about the mighty Snake Plissken being raped by one of the fiercest dinosaurs on earth. Plissken-umm- I mean “Snake” felt a huge gush of liquid heat all over his broad, muscular back. He hoped it was blood and he was being eaten, but the liquid had the characteristic moldy penny scent of fresh cum. After the amorous encounter, Steve jumped off of Snake, happily sniffed and licked Snake’s balls, then ran off into the jungle squawking “Fuck you! Fuck you! Cock! Bollocks!” Snake whimpered and hoped he would get eaten by some passing carnivore as his sides hurt from the bad cuts that Steve left as he gripped Snake’s sides during his rape of the antihero.

Then, he woke up smelling cat, brimstone, fire, and lady’s perfume. How he hoped he died and went to Hell because even in Hell there wouldn’t be any horny dinosaurs trying to fuck him. Some cat guy wearing an ascot was bandaging some nasty cuts along the sides of Snake’s sexy broad chest while some cigar smoking demon looked on. “Don’t rape me, you motherfuckers!” Snake snapped at his captors, and then Cat Guy said gently “We won’t hurt you, Mr. Plissken. I am bandaging those nasty wounds from that amorous dinosaur.” “Call me Snake” he winced. Snake didn’t know if he should laugh or be ashamed that this cat guy knew that he had been vigorously fucked by a dinosaur. They saw it happening, and the other dinosaurs (perhaps wanting a piece of Snake in either the sexual way or the way of eating dinner) were scared off by the zeppelin. As the dinosaurs ran off in all directions in fear of the landing ship the folks on the ship could safely land and rescue Snake. Then Demon Dude chuckled like some idiot, and asked: “So who came first?” “Oh please Hellboy don’t humiliate Snake any further, or he might just kick your butt. Haven’t you heard those reports about him?!” a dark haired lady standing by Hellboy answered. Snake looked at Liz with a dumb, horny grin on his face as Vincent bandaged his side. He was feeling a bit better after Vincent had just finished putting the finishing touch on the bandages around his sides. “Don’t even think of it, mister!” Liz said in a mock defensive way. 

An older chick with green eyes came out of the cabin of the zeppelin, and Vincent then introduced her and the rest of the gang to Snake “This is my Catherine, Liz Sherman, Hellboy, and I’m Vincent.” Vincent had a smooth, sexy, sultry, gravelly voice like Snake’s- but with less gravel-as he didn’t smoke a pack of American Spirit cigarettes a day like Snake did. Snake wasn’t in the mood to have an orgy with these unusual characters, so he fell asleep, worn-out from the vigorous dinosaur fucking. Nevertheless, Vincent decided to read some slightly naughty sonnets to everyone, but Snake was sound asleep by then. He missed if any orgies went on due to Vincent’s smooth sexy poetry reciting voice.

“Hey Vincent would you please do me a favor and drop me off in England?” Snake said, “I’ve got a buddy out there I haven’t seen for a while.” Vincent said “Alright Snake, but England is a bit iffy right now since the Parliament Building was blown up a while ago. Are you sure you want to disembark there?” “My British friend is a really interesting guy with a really cool man cave and a beautiful chick despite his strange features.” Snake said, wondering if his Anglo comrade would help him find a good looking British hooker while he was there in England. Vincent nodded in agreement and looked affectionately at Catherine, and both were thinking about their next romantic session. Snake disembarked from the zeppelin when he got to England and said “Bye” to his new friends. He quietly found an abandoned building, slipped in, walked painfully down a long flight of stairs, and found himself by a big wooden door like a dungeon door. He could hear sounds of two people shagging behind the wooden door. “Oh yes V! V! Yes! Yes! Harder! Harder!” Snake heard Evey Hammond yell in orgasmic ecstasy behind the wooden door. Shit! Even with his scarred body and face V is getting laid! Snake thought enviously of his old friend V. His cock got hard and he had to masturbate hearing the masked antihero’s and his squeeze’s sexual clamor. Just before Snake pulled his pants up after shooting a load the door creaked open. “The poor chap has been aroused by the noise of our merry love making,” V said mock annoyed by Snake’s presence.

When Snake got into the Shadow Gallery he noticed that some hentai was playing on the TV in the one room. “I apologize for forgetting how thin these walls are at times. Evey and I are lucky we have never been found down here due to all the noises we make while shagging.” V said as Evey wiped at some milky gooey stuff clinging to her bald head. Snake wasn’t into bald chicks, but Evey casually wiping V’s cum off her head made him feel stiff again. However, Snake’s sides begin to hurt again from the raptor rape. V cocked his masked head and asked kindly “What happened chap? Did you have to escape from some dystopic city again?” Snake explained the story again of how he was assaulted by a dinosaur while stealing something for Hauk. “Damn! That man is a bloody bastard sending you to such a dangerous place with such fierce animals!” Evey said sympathetically and angrily. With a smirk in his voice that matched the one on his masked face V added “Only to be shagged by a randy reptile!” Snake just groaned at his British friend’s dumb joke as he was tired from his already long fruitless adventure.

After V and Evey gave Snake the equipment to doctor his dinosaur inflicted shag-wounds, they let him sleep in a guest room in the Shadow Gallery for a few days to recover from his embarrassing encounter. During his R&R Snake enjoyed all the naked female statues and porno that V kept around due to the government take down that V and Evey orchestrated a while before. Also, he enjoyed listening to V and Evey shagging almost every day. His cock got all hard, and he shot his load into the towels that V said were once the Chancellor Sattler’s endless supply of luxurious towels that dictator paid for with taxpayers’ money. He assured his friend that he stole the towels just for that purpose. When time came for Snake to leave he was a bit disappointed that he couldn’t get any hot wet pussy himself, and he envied his anti-hero friend V that he could get some despite his unusual appearance.

Later on, when he got back to headquarters (strangely this was at California State University Long Beach) Hauk waited for him in The Nugget. “How was the adventure hotshot?” he said with a smirk on his face while sitting at a booth with a beer in a clear plastic cup. There was another beer waiting for Snake, but he ordered a chocolate milkshake instead as his friend V spoiled him with fine wine and not piss poor American booze during his trip to England. “I guess you got some love down there in Jurassic Park! At least it wasn’t a t-rex or brachiosaurus as you would have been crushed to death instantly you sick motherfucking bastard!” Hauk said while lifting up his shirt. There were scars down the sides of Hauk’s chest like the cuts and abrasions on Snake’s sides. “I happened to have encountered Steve myself last year, and here I thought you were going to fucking kill that bastard! Luckily he didn’t rip your balls off like he did mine. That’s why I sent you in as I thought you were a tougher motherfucker than that velociraptor!” Defeated, Snake handed him a package that had in it the device he was supposed to get from Jurassic Park. All Snake wanted to do is curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment.

Then a chubby, short, blonde chick with glasses came around the corner, and this chick was the author of this entire fucking stupid piece of shit of a fan fiction. Snake didn’t think she was too bad looking as she had big tits and big hips and around a size fourteen to sixteen. He liked his chicks a bit on the fat side as they had more to touch and feel up than skinnier chicks. Her ice blue eyes behind her gold rimmed glasses twinkled with lust, and she said in a flirty manner “When did Snake Plissken come to school here at Long Beach?” “I’m going to get going Hauk, and get the fuck out of here so I can finally enjoy what I deserve!” Snake said angrily as he picked up an envelope with a big paycheck and a gift card for Spanky’s sex toy store. Snake’s sultry sexy voice made his new date all wet “down there”. “I know a place where we can have some privacy.” The blonde chick said. He had no clue that this chick wrote this long and undeniably fucking crazy fuckfest of a story full of bollocks, so he followed her to their destination with the anticipation of getting a good fucking. 

 

THE FUCKING END!


End file.
